Another line from Havel's Power of the Powerless that has stuck out to me is "Individuals can be alienated from themselves only because their is something in them to alienate" (page 41). Havel describes that because of this, living within the truth is directly related to living within the lie. We talked about this a lot in class one day, and I think it's definitely true that it's not possible to living within the truth without having first lived within the lie. I think that Havel's description of living within the truth shows people that have first lived within the lie and then one day realized that they can't do it anymore - that they have to start being themselves.
So what is the big moment that makes people start to live within the truth? Do people really just choose to live within the lie because they are afraid of losing things? I feel like possessing your dignity and knowing that you are standing up for what you believe in is a lot better than possessing things and constantly living each day knowing you are agreeing with something you don't believe in. Like I've mentioned in my previous posts, people today deal with this exact same thing.
Middle School and High School are two of the worst times for adolescents. In Middle School, you realize that you're not a kid anymore, you start to go through puberty, and for most people it's the "awkward phase". (It definitely was for me.) One of the worst parts of Middle School, though, is trying to "fit in". I remember having a bunch of friends from elementary school who, one day, decided to tell my best friend who moved away that they hated me. When I tried to talk to them about it, they told me to "rot in hell". I cried so much, and tried to have my mom talk to their moms, but in the end I ended up without friends - really, all of my friends who went to my Middle School just stopped talking to me! And I had absolutely no idea why. When I realized I didn't have any friends anymore, I decided I had to do anything to have friends because if you didn't have friends in Middle School, you would be called a freak or a loser. I'm a really sensitive person, and I knew I wasn't about to be called anything like that.
I had one friend who was my pen pal in elementary school (she went to a different elementary school and we ended up at the same Middle School), and I decided to start hanging out with her. She was friends with the "popular" kids, and so I started to become friends with the "popular" kids. I thought it was awesome, because who doesn't want to be popular in Middle School? The only problem was that since they knew everyone thought they were cool and popular, they would make fun of everyone in the school who wasn't a part of their group. Since I wanted to fit in with a group so bad, I would agree with them when they made fun of someone, and I even participated in the mean talk. I was considered one of the nicest girls in my elementary school (according to my teachers and classmates), but as soon as I got to Middle School, I was considered one of the "Mean Girls".
Being in the Mean Girls clique lasted about two years for me. In 8th grade, I started to branch out and make new friends in my classes. When I made friends with the non-popular kids and realized that I actually enjoyed hanging out with them more than my group of friends, I started to realize that all that time, I wasn't being authentic. I started to pull away from my popular friends, and eventually they just stopped inviting me places. I was hurt at first, and tried to figure out why, but as soon as I switched to a different High School, it was easier for me to cut ties with them. I realized who I wanted to be, and that didn't include making fun of people all the time. I wish that I had been able to live within the truth by telling them to stop making fun of people, but I'm glad that I was able to live within the truth by getting away from those relationships. I'm definitely much happier now that I've found true friends, and I feel comfortable telling people not to gossip and not to make fun of people.
Because of this experience, I think living within the truth has to come with living within the lie. I don't think there would be a way for me to live within the truth and tell the girls I became friends with to stop making fun of people unless I experienced it myself. I know that is probably really sad, but unfortunately it was true for my Middle School self.
Relating back to the books we've read in class, I think the same can be said for Ludvick in The Joke. He completely agrees to living within the lie, and makes a joke about living within the truth. I don't think he actually wants to live within the truth. He talks about that moment where he wrote that joking letter as the turning point for his now-awful life at the camp. Danny from The Miracle Game is another example: he shows that he's living within the lie, but at the same time he is choosing to live within the truth with the people that he knows he can trust won't hate him for it. It is so hard to completely choose to live within the truth, but it is so beneficial and rewarding. Unfortunately, one has to go through the hard part of living within the lie, completely oblivious to what is going on around them, before they are able to see what they are doing is wrong. It is awful to think that people in our society choose to live within the lie because they don't want to experience what would happen if they were to live within the truth. I think people need to start taking more chances to stand up for what they believe in, because if they don't, our world is going to be one big lie.
This is an excellent analysis, drawing together your own experiences with the life of Ludvik. I'm still perplexed by this historical notion that one must live the lie before living in the truth, that a moment of enlightenment or conversion is required. Like Havel's quote about "hope," it's a very Christian way of seeing things. Although, I could also argue for a beginning innocence, then a corruption, then enlightenment. Still, the same "salvation" story. I'll have to think more on this.
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